The People We Attract + Why – Unfinished Business Part 2

The primary foundation of attraction and chemistry are tied to our unfinished business + imago match. (Read More Here) To remind us of these concepts: Unfinished business: our unconscious search for the mate that will right the wrongs of our imperfect childhoods. Imago match: someone who carries the traits of what survival looked like for us in childhood, most likely a combination of traits from our childhood caretakers. The final piece of the attraction puzzle is self-esteem, which is defined as “confidence in one’s value as a human being correlated with achievement, good relationships, and satisfaction.” While I like to define these three concepts separately, they are, in practice, totally intertwined. Our imago match will carry our unfinished business from …


Decoding “The Game” + Stop Wasting Time

Like many women, I have run hard after THE mixed signal kings. As the observant, reflective type – their lack of attention and my slight obsession has been strongly disconcerting. Why did their aloofness peak my interest? Turns out I’m not alone – there’s even research on it. According to research, some of us get stuck in the addiction/reward cycle when meeting a potential romantic interest. Their initial interest draws us in, their rejection makes us crave their interest even more (and subsequently  wonder where it went), and then we continuously seek the initial attention as a form of reward. It’s totally dysfunctional. As a typically confident woman, my insecurities go through the roof in this cycle. I can’t send …


Perfectionism and Dating: The Pure Boy vs. The Addict

Growing up I longed to be noticed by the straight-A, quarterback of the football team, homecoming king. The guy who was smart, popular, athletic, HOT, and probably tutored children in his free time. In my mind – he was perfect and if he liked me maybe that meant I could be perfect too. This is not life. Turns out, even the seemingly perfect among us are battling something. In Mark Manson’s “Happiness is Not Enough” Mark introduces us to his friend, John, who while being the king of positivity, was actually addicted to drugs. This year I met Mike, who at a pretty young age, is a recovering alcoholic. He has been through rehab, completed the 12 steps, and continues …


How To Get Over Them

The title of this blog has probably been googled a millions times. (I, too, am a contributor) One thing stands out amidst the search options: there are VERY few helpful things on in the internet. The truth is, there isn’t really a “How To” on this one, just like there isn’t really a “How To Grieve.” BUT I’ve discovered a helpful guidepost in regards to MOVING THE EFF ON. When we first fall for someone, the hormones create quite the emotional event. The dating app culture of our generation is to burn hot for like, two weeks, and then get ghosted. It’s the worst. In an effort to be “mature” and “diplomatic”, MANY of our well-meaning friends, encourage us to …