Making Peace with Loneliness During the Holidays Pt. 2

Last year I wrote Emotional Loneliness + The Holidays and it was one of my most read articles. This might be because family is one of those topics we always come back to, and the love/hate pulls are so strong. While last year I was very (proudly!) single and in a stable job, this year I’m in transition between cities and jobs, and I brought home a partner I’m just crazy about. What I found this year was that despite my relationship status, regression to a less mature version of myself around family is definitely going to happen, and honestly, having a partner doesn’t change the inner child triggers that flare up. To quote last year’s article, this regression stems …


Marriage Is Hard – Guest Blogger + My Mom, Elizabeth Carroll

If I’m being honest, and I am honest to a fault, my marriage is hard right now. Jim and I were married ten years ago and enjoyed an extended five-year honeymoon. Utter, unrealistic bliss! My daughters found us sickening! I think God knew we’d need a season of bliss to look back on because He knows our wounds and they are deep. Deep wounds make it easy to blame and  give up. DON’T. My therapist says that our marriage is providential, meaning that God meant for Jim and I to be together. He is my perfect storm and I am his. He is my iron sharpening iron. I freaking hate it. I want my bliss back!!! Bliss Breaker At year …


The People We Attract + Why – Unfinished Business Part 2

The primary foundation of attraction and chemistry are tied to our unfinished business + imago match. (Read More Here) To remind us of these concepts: Unfinished business: our unconscious search for the mate that will right the wrongs of our imperfect childhoods. Imago match: someone who carries the traits of what survival looked like for us in childhood, most likely a combination of traits from our childhood caretakers. The final piece of the attraction puzzle is self-esteem, which is defined as “confidence in one’s value as a human being correlated with achievement, good relationships, and satisfaction.” While I like to define these three concepts separately, they are, in practice, totally intertwined. Our imago match will carry our unfinished business from …


Why You Will Marry Your Parents and What To Do About It Part 1

You know that annoying thing older people tend to say: “You can’t help but marry your mother/father”? Turns out, it’s science. As a byproduct of surviving childhood but never being fully satisfied by our upbringing, our unconscious brain (also called the old brain) is forever attempting to recreate our childhood conditions in an effort to correct whatever left us wanting. Remember the stars of our childhood? You guessed it: mom and dad! With some guest appearances from siblings, nannies, aunts/uncles, neighbors, and teachers. In their book “Getting the Love You Want,” Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen Lakelly Hunt, PhD detail what they call our “unfinished business” and our unconscious search for the mate that will right the wrongs of our …


Emotional Loneliness + The Holidays

I’d like to propose the hyper-awareness of singleness during the holidays actually has nothing to do with wanting a romantic partner and everything to do with the odd loneliness that often accompanies longer periods of time with family. Tonight I am in the throes of loneliness, and for all logical reasons, I have no business being lonely. On a day off from a rather stressful workload, I spent an entire day with family members who love me and know me better than most. We ate, drank, and there were even dogs involved. What makes loneliness more poignant during the holidays is exactly because we are around people who are supposed to know us best, and often it feels like they …