Healing from Heartbreak, Betrayal, and Loving the Lonely

Have you ever done something stupid out of loneliness? Spent way too much money on clothes or food, drank too much, abused a substance, kissed a random? I have. The typical aftermath? Shame.hangover. In the midst of a shame hangover, when my inner voice is screaming, “Darn it, Ilsa,” these are the things I preach to myself: There is total compassion for whatever happened. For whatever reason, we needed to experience and learn from that thing we did in response to our loneliness. Trust me – there’s always a lesson. I will not succumb to the lie of shame that bubbles up in an effort to keep me isolated and small. I will reach out to people who love me, …


Emotional Loneliness + The Holidays

I’d like to propose the hyper-awareness of singleness during the holidays actually has nothing to do with wanting a romantic partner and everything to do with the odd loneliness that often accompanies longer periods of time with family. Tonight I am in the throes of loneliness, and for all logical reasons, I have no business being lonely. On a day off from a rather stressful workload, I spent an entire day with family members who love me and know me better than most. We ate, drank, and there were even dogs involved. What makes loneliness more poignant during the holidays is exactly because we are around people who are supposed to know us best, and often it feels like they …